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I decided what to write my research proposal on For the NSF fellowship, you have to write up a possible research project that you could do in grad school. You donapos;t have to do the project, you just have to prove you can have ideas and write them clearly. I want to combine the idea that maternal health can affect offspringapos;s mental health and that maternal health affects gene expression. Sadly, my proposal includes killing lots of rats. Sorry rats

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TQC, I�need some non srs answers to help me chill out.

My landlord just installed the wash machine and dryer for us over the weekend, and this is the first time Iapos;m using either. Our basement is creeptacular (seriously, would make for a great haunted house thing), has no lights other than what you bring down with you, and my roommateapos;s washing machine is ancient.

It freaks me out SO�BAD. I wonapos;t go down there without three flashlights and my laptop (for musics).

What are the chances Iapos;m going to be abducted by aliens or eaten by a monster while doing laundry? How about the chances of this washing machine blowing up?�Iapos;ve seen it happen before, with a washing machine my parents had.

Strangely, the dryer should be fine. Itapos;s the exact same model my parents have. :P


as stated, non srs answers are a plus. :D



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1. My old computer crashed and burned two days ago. Like... 3 months worth of data lost i feel like i just lost a huge chunk of my life.

2. But the upside: i had an excuse to go home. Davis is fine, but i miss my house. I realized that thereapos;s this distinctive, unmistakable HOME smell that iapos;ve never noticed before. Maybe itapos;s the combined odors of my family, our dog, our rabbit, and our contractor. Anyways, our house smells like food and animals.

3. My rabbit did to my stuffed animal what Sunshine did to the duck in "Click".

4. Midterm tomorrow :(

5. :)
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Alright I joined LJ to have somewhere to post my own icons Now, the first batch that I am going to do is Harry Potter house icons and Iapos;d like some quote suggestions. Feel free to comment or send me a message on yahoo. Itapos;s the smae username as I use here. =D

Second matter, feel free to leave requests for icons. I can also do signatures for forums so anything youapos;d like for me to make go ahead and request.

Thanx Loves

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Score: Panthers 27, Saints 7

The Panthers are playing as well today as they did bad last week at Tampa Bay.

Carolina broke open a close game when quarterback Jake Delhomme threw a 39-yard touchdown pass to Steve Smith early in the third period.

An interception by Ken Lucas, followed by his 31-yard return to the Saints' 18-yard line set up Carolina's other score of the period -- a 4-yard pass from Delhomme to DeAngelo Williams.

-- Charles Chandler

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The layoffs are done...� Some teachers got fired, some got transferred.� Two of my friends were transferred and a friendapos;s husband was fired.

Lotapos;s of crying yesterday.

The students were devastated.

It was difficult.

Which of course led to a lot of drinking...� LOTS�OF�DRINKING.� which always mean drunken calls and text messages...

Which led to my cellphone being confiscated by a friend...

so yeah... No calling of Crush last night :)

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I am so fucking sick of this feeling. Either i need to finally accept me as i am, which apparently = alone, single, and necessary to accept my own merits on my own two feet without love or support from any type of significant other .... OR .. ???


what is the fucking alternative to this??? no one wants me. I fuck up. I am so neurotic it hurts. No wonder iapos;m still alone and iapos;m still haunted by that which happened in the not-too-recent past as condemning me to not being worth anything to anyone thatapos;s worthwhile. If that makes sense.

FUCK. THEM.

"and the question is, was i more alive
then than i am now?
i happily have to disagree;
i laugh more often now, i cry more often now,
i am more me."

... I want so much to believe that this is a *good* thing. Please. Please. What the fuck else do i have to change?? i just donapos;t get it. I really donapos;t. Iapos;m so mentally exhausted... Iapos;m gone. Itapos;s either this, now, or ... Forget it.
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